I was listening to "ADHD, Relationships, and Sex: Strategies to Overcome the Over/Under-Functioner Dynamic" by Ari Tuckman. While this talk focuses mostly on just one partner being ADHD and the other neurotypical, it got me thinking about the unique dynamics in relationships where one partner is ADHD and the other is autistic.
These relationships are more common than one may think as, in many ways, the adage opposites attract applies; these relationships can have unique challenges, often requiring tailored strategies to navigate effectively.
Differences in Communication Styles:
ADHDers tend to struggle with impulsivity, interrupting, and difficulty staying focused during conversations. Autistic individuals may have non-verbal communication challenges and prefer explicit or literal communication. Neither of these is “wrong”, but if couples don’t notice these differences and work towards mitigating what can sabotage their communication, then regardless of the topic of concern, they will be less likely to resolve conflict.
Different Needs for Routine and Spontaneity:
ADHDers often thrive in dynamic, spontaneous environments and may find routines stifling, whereas autistic individuals typically prefer structured, predictable routines and may find changes or spontaneity stressful. This can affect everything from planned holidays to their sex life. Finding compromise and honouring both partners needs to be a focus for both.
Sensory Differences:
While one partner may be stimuli-seeking, the other may be overwhelmed by sensory inputs. By ensuring the environments you both live or holiday in offer both stimulating and calming options, neurodivergent couples can find a balance that meets both of their sensory needs and be better able to recharge.
Emotional Regulation:
ADHDers can be prone to emotional outbursts or may experience mood swings, while autistic individuals may struggle to express emotions and opt to withdraw, so finding healthy ways of emotion regulation is critical to happy relationships.
While these may seem rather generic examples, one thing we know is true: ADHD and autism can exasperate almost all the universal problems couples face; understanding your unique relationship dynamics is the first step in building a stronger relationship.
In our next post, we will discuss practical strategies for building a strong relationship when one partner is ADHD and the other is autistic.
Comentarios