In a previous post, we explored just some of the unique dynamics and challenges faced by couples where one partner has ADHD and the other is autistic. Today, we will discuss practical strategies for building a solid and supportive relationship.
It often comes down to misunderstandings and assumptions. These can be significant hurdles in any relationship, but they can be particularly pronounced when one partner has ADHD and the other is autistic. Being neurodivergent comes with its own sets of behaviours, communication styles, and needs, which can sometimes clash or be misinterpreted by the other partner.
Here are some strategies to address and mitigate misunderstandings and assumptions:
Open and Honest Communication:
Schedule regular times to discuss feelings, concerns, and experiences. This can help both partners stay connected and address issues before they escalate. Make it a habit to clarify your meaning and ask your partner to do the same. This can prevent misinterpretations and ensure that both partners are on the same page.
Educate One Another:
Spend time learning about ADHD and Autism. Understanding each other’s challenges and strengths can foster empathy and reduce frustration. Discuss how ADHD and autism specifically affect each of you. Personal anecdotes can provide insight into each other’s daily experiences and challenges.
Develop Empathy and Patience:
Give your full attention when your partner is speaking. This shows respect and helps you understand their perspective. Recognize that both ADHD and autism can affect communication and behaviour. Patience is crucial in navigating misunderstandings and building a supportive relationship.
Set Clear Expectations:
Clearly outline who is responsible for what in the relationship and household. This can prevent confusion and ensure that both partners feel valued and understood. Discuss and agree on non-negotiables that respect each partner’s needs and comfort levels.
Seek Professional Support:
If it’s not working on your own, seek Couple’s Counselling. Ensure the psychologist you engage specialises in neurodiverse relationships and can provide tailored strategies and support. This is crucial as you do not want someone perpetuating stereotypes, further driving a wedge between the two of you.
And know this:
You can make this work. Every relationship is unique, and finding what works best for both partners is key. Have a look at the suggestions I have made above. None of them suggest either partner should not be authentic and free to be themselves. Notice that your neurodiversity isn’t the problem; it's often more about communication, acceptance, patience, love, and a desire to be together.
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